It’s really easy to think you are on top of the world and you can do know wrong. While it’s great to always be learning, the most valuable information you can get is feedback about yourself. If someone’s willing to share feedback, always take it with a smile, and see what you can do to change/learn from what gift you received from them.
My Story:
I was a hacker growing up which made me a natural for computer science. Most of what I learned in High-School I had already put into use as I was hacking away. The great part of this was the repetition of use had made me quite adept at software development. Even as a freshman at Carleton, taking the second Computer Science course in the curriculum (CS127) it was a breeze for me. I angered people when I strolled into the lab, would complete an assignment in less than an hour and walk out. As we moved into the later courses, I was even the Teacher’s Assistant (TA) in the class that I was taking.
By my Sophomore year, I had become quite proud of my skills in Computer Science – In fact, I’m sure I had quite the ego, and looking back if I can say I had an ego, then I can only imagine how big my ego actually was. – The final project in one of my courses was coming around and I began to work on it. – To make it a challenge I took it way over the top. We had to write a Word Processor and I spent a ton of time on this. I ran into a really tough challenge when I was working on the project and I went into my Professor’s office hours for some help.
I remember walking into the Professor’s office and started showing him my work and asking some questions. He gave me some ideas to think about but I’m pretty sure I was dismissive of a few of them and other ones I likely questioned. After spending about 30 minutes with me, the line that changed my life forever was thrown out. My Professor stated very crisply, “You know, you’re really smart but you’d be incredibly smart if you weren’t such an asshole.” Woah…. That’ll freeze you in your step if anyone told you something like that!
I think we finished our conversation at that point pretty quickly. – Honestly, I don’t remember the rest as my mind was pre-occupied processing the statement. I went back to my dorm room, and not kidding, scrapped about 30% of the work I had done to turn in the final realizing I was far enough already. It’s good I got that time back to think about that statement and what it meant.
He was right! It finally hit me… I was an asshole! I had gotten to the point where I wasn’t listening to others and plowing my way through life. I spent that Winter break resetting myself… figuring out how to listen well to others, process thoughts without emotion, and how to not be so darn short with people.
This feedback really did change my life. I vowed to never repeat the same mistake again and most importantly, listen to people in regards to how I interact, am perceived, and adjust myself. – Constantly.
How I Practice it Today:
For starters, be sure you are honest with yourself and know how you are acting. – Don’t be an asshole. But in life, circumstances constantly change. The way you are perceived has a lot to do with the environment you come into versus the way in which you act or hold yourself. My gift today, don’t be an asshole either, but be conscious of your environment. When someone gives you feedback, take action and change the course.
Special thanks today to my professor at the time – This story led to the single greatest attitude adjustment I’ve gone through in my life.
A Gift from your Father 